The Flute Examination
Otaner Drassorf
otanerdrassorf@gmail.com
When I went to music college I was very excited. It was a dream come true, because I had been longing to study highclass music since I was a small kid, in my home town, "Long Stream". It is a small city circled by hills and crossed by a long river that provides water for the whole town. Economy is held mostly by commercial and industrial activities and most of its citizens work on them. Although the city has enough elementary and secondary schools for all its children and teens to study, there's a lack of colleges and universities in town and in the nearby cities.
Therefore, when I completed 23, I was in a dilema about which way I should follow or which career to take, if any, at all, should be available. All of my attempts to find a job or occupation had been frustrated and I had not even finished highschool succesfuly. I was facing a wall and could see no way out. Then, I decided to leave my hometown and move to the capital, to try and find myself some kind of employment. College was not actually in my plans in that occasion, but to stay in the city with no perspective of a future, was not an option.
So, I took all the pennies I had and took a train towards the capital. A friend was expecting for me there, and he was going to help me get aquainted and give-me a shelter, so I could have an easier start. I found a humble job in a fast-food company and began to work and to make some money. But, after 4 years working there, I got fired and had a hard time finding another job. Most of the job offers would shock with my religious costumes or require higher education than I had at the moment. I had no choice but to retake my studies to obtain an university degree. But, first, I had to join a steno pool to finish highschool. Then, I sat an exam to enter the public university in the capital. I graduated as a licensed teacher of English as a Second Language and began to work as a public school teacher just after that.
Later, I went back to the same university where I had studied, to work as a technician and, then, I could get back to think about taking in my passion for music and try another major in college. I decided to try out the entrance examination for popular music, as a singer and flutist. I had been singing since I was a young child, therefore, this was the instrument I chose for my presentations during the exam. After I started the course, however, I began to study both voice and flute, altogether.
I don't know what I was thinking when I took this decision to study both instruments at the same time. I think I took it for granted that it would be easy to play music of great complexity and at a fast tempo. But this was not what I found out later. Besides that, just after I began my new major, I was knocked off my feet by bad news that blacked out my vision and dismayed my heart. My head was a confusion of thoughts and my emotions were in a frenzy. I didn't know if I should stay or if I should go. My dream of studying music was in check. But, at that moment, I kept on doing my activities in a robotic manner, not really being able to evaluate my situation. I just kept moving forward and, then, decided not to give it all up. It was not easy, nonetneless, because depression came aggressivily striking me with no mercy.
But as the days, months and years went by, I improved from depression and managed to handle my course activities in spite of all my doubts, fears and anxieties. But the ghost of that problem from the begining was still there and kept my thoughts coming and going from college tasks to personal issues.
I had been having a peak of anxiety during the days that preceaded the flute examination of the end of the therm. I was not required to sit the exam, but the examiners would accept to watch me play and give me feedback. Although I was really stage frightened those days, I thought that it was an opportunity to face my fears and gain some recognition. I was really anxious, though. In fact, I was nearly having a fit.
I had prepared a movement of Mozart's Flute and Harp Concerto in C Major, Andante. I played it as a solo piece, since it was not easy to get a pianist to accompany me. When time came I tried to hold my anxiety and took my place on the stage to play. I breathed deeply and started my performance. But, strangely, in that exact moment a drums band began to play or to rehearse below the conference room where the flute examination was being held, disturbing and disrupting my presentation. But, now, I had already started to play and could not stop anymore. I was already nervous and that only made my life worse.
I continued playing all through the music trying to keep myself calm. The drums kept disturbing all along my performance. But I managed to play it smoothly and fine untill the end, not making any major error. At the end of the exam I heard the professors feedback about my playing and their critics was good. I felt relieved after the test was finished and left the room with a smile. But, that day, I had a strong sensation that there was a strong move of opposition towards me. Why would a drum and play beneath and at the same time a flute contest was going on? I am not sure but, if I remember, the same did not happen with the other students. That was one of the moments I was more certain that people were acting prejudiciously and showing all their hatred and dispise against me. I was sad, I was angry, but, at the same time, I was felling victorious.
I graduated from my music major a few years later. I still play flute nowadays, but I no longer have to do it under pressure. I am still learning, but I have made much progress. The world is full of intolerants. They're selfish and stupid people who think they have more rights than others. But this is not true. They are not better than anyone and should respect the rights of everyone, as they like to be respected by others. Music and hatred are two opposed things. Music should not be used as a weapon. Music should only be used to refresh the hearts of all people in the world. Let music be music, let peace reign through it.
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